Wired Differently

‘You don’t realise you have been beaten until the end comes, not physically but mentally drained of the person you were.

The person you have become is something different, wired differently. When you look in the mirror you don’t see yourself looking back at you but an empty shell covered in a different type of skin.’

Lately I have not really felt myself, everything seems to be moving quickly and only now am I realising how much everything has changed in such a short space of time.

This is my little escape from reality, reality in my own words. Words that make more sense to me.

My Own

 I was happy to be on my own,

I could spend hours in my own company and always be in a good mood!

You stole that happiness from me.

You stole the smile from my face when I got home and saw my empty double bed.

You stole the joy I used to get when I would dance around in my underwear to the songs I loved so much.

You stole the laugh from me when I watched the same TV shows over and over and still found them funny.

You stole the dimples I used to get when the cat would curl up on the bed with me.

Now I just feel the pain of your absence from my room, from my bed, from my smile.

 

Hate or Love

Love is a funny feeling it’s so close to hate that to start with you can’t really make up your mind what feeling you have lingering inside of you.

When I hear his laugh I make a face of disgust, but I also notice when its not there.

I shake my head at the nonsense he says to impress his friends, but as I turn away I can feel my creeping smile.

I roll my eyes when I see his name on my phone, but I check for a reply a thousand times.

I tell people how annoying he is and how I cant stand his company, but I can’t stop thinking about him.

 

Beautiful Darkness

Normal people have no idea how beautiful the darkness is.

Let your imagination into the dark, never be afraid of the things it can create.

The darkness provides a shield from the monsters that walk in the day.

Everything blends into the same shadows.

The darkness can be deceiving much like those of skin who walk in the light.

In the hours of the dark it wipes away the sins and clears the slate for new sun.

 

Six Ft & Smiling

I have a secret, a Six ft secret with soft golden hair, alluring personality and a mysterious mind full of tales I could listen to for hours.

I see him smile and hear his warming laugh across the room, I have to turn away from my secret muse.

I want nothing more than to kiss him like nobody else could see us. Feel his fingers run down my body and take my hand.

I want to show him off to the world as I am lucky enough to have his attention, but he hasn’t got mine.

I know his smile gets less and less as I keep him hidden, falling apart on the inside from my ignorance.

I hear myself lie so easily not fighting the urge to tell the truth.

The words slip out with little guilt in the moment until I am filled with regret, later left with my own thoughts trying to remember the lies I had told.

I know he looks at me differently, I know how he feels about me, those beautiful big eyes burning for me to appreciate all that he truly is, instead I look away.

I can’t lie to him so I say nothing, I know he wants to hear my voice but I still keep quiet.

Breaking his heart ever so slightly each time the silence fades to nothing.

My secret will always be mine but might not always be his.

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